bukan hal yang penting.

tidak sedang ingin mencipta larik indah. hanya ingin berkata tanpa saringan atau modifikasi bahasa, cukup untai biasa.

I write what I wanna write, not what people wanna read. silahkan membaca, silahkan berasumsi. fiksi atau nonfiksi? I will not answer that question. terka saja semaumu.

"whatever makes u sleep at night."

I want to talk about life, again. dan yap! baru saja terdengar sebuah suara dari podium pembaca sebelah sana, "hidup? tau apa sih kamu tentang hidup? baru 18 tahun kamu ada di dunia." well, you dont know me. you dont know what I've been through. and sorry, I have no interest on telling you.

its just . . . life is, uh, awful hard. things are getting worse and worse. setiap kali muncul pikiran,"oke, ini sudah sampai di titik yang paling buruk. tidak mungkin bisa jadi lebih buruk lagi,kan? I just need to hang on a little bit longer,", saat itulah Tuhan menunjukkan bahwa di atas langit masih ada langit. pfiuh.

I need to lay down just for a minute. I need to hibernate. ingin lari pergi, but I have college to go to, I have work to do, I have so many responsibility that I cant delegate to anyone. lelah, tapi tidak banyak yang bisa diperbuat.

huh! orang bilang, mungkin bisa lebih ringan kalau aku berbagi. bercerita. apalagi kalau sudah penuh sesak seperti ini. but well, you know, Im not that humble cheery bright and shiny girl who likes to hangout and share things with so many people.

"for God's sake, just spit it out to anyone around you!"
rrggh! I cant! if its not the people I trust, then I cant! its just gonna stuck in my throat. so I will sit still like a statue. pretend to be calm, like nothing happened, like sky is not falling. its not helping. but thats the only thing I can do.

you may think that I always complain about life. you may think that I never appreciate the goodness and only focus on the bad. well, thats true. and its true too that you dont know how it feels to be me. maybe you should try it sometimes. be me, and stand where Im standing right now.

aku ingin memutar balik waktu, lalu mencoba berhatihati melangkah agar tidak tersesat seperti sekarang ini. pretty impossible, right? but thats what people do. people dont wish for the easy stuff. they wish for big things, things that are ambitious, out of reach. and its totally okay, because sometimes, miracle happens.

~ have no idea what is this note about.